Scene: The White House Briefing Room
 |
Never forget that Trump is a reality TV host and not a real leader
--or a doctor |
Mike Pence's Voice: And now it's time for America's favorite new game show--Wheel. Of. Ventilators. And here is your host--that stable genius and your favorite President, America's cheerleader--Donnnnald J. Trump.
(Orchestra plays upbeat version of Hail to the Chief. TRUMP enters.)
Trump: Good evening, everybody. Welcome, fake news media and everyone in the studio audience (Three people clap.) Recently, we decided to make these daily COVID-19 press briefings more fun. Even though my ratings were through the roof--I mean, Super Bowl, Bachelor finale, JR Getting
Shot, that level, you know what I mean. Even though we had such great ratings, I wanted something catchier, more entertaining. So I decided, why not make the whole thing a game? You know, audiences love that. And I'm a cheerleader. That's what I do. People like that Yamiche Alcindor woman from PBS or somewhere, always asking negative, depressing questions. What a downer, right? Can't she lighten up a bit? Before we get started, I want to thank this evening's sponsors, the makers of the new miracle drug hydroxychloroquine (He holds up a bottle of fish tank cleaner), the MyPillow Guy, and my daughter Ivanka who along with my son-in-law Jared, will be reading the questions for our contestants.
(Jared and Ivanka enter. Three people clap.)
