Xi in Florida: A Modern Opera

(A modern opera in the style of Nixon in China)

ACT ONE
An airport in Florida. PRESIDENT TRUMP is standing amid a crowd of reporters and staff. Repetitive dissonant music in the style of Philip Glass or John Adams plays. Trump sings.

TRUMP:
Fake news. Fake news.
You are all fake news.
I am the one real news.
You are all fake.
I am real. You are fake.
News. Fake or real.
Who knows? Who knows?

Do you? Do you? (he points to members of the audience)
There is no true. There is no lie.
It's what I say it is.
Fake news. Fake news.



(A giant cardboard airplane come in from stage left. The doors open and President Xi Jinping of China enters and sings.)

XI:
Mr. President, are you real?
Are you fake?
Who knows? Who knows?
I am here to find out.

TRUMP (shaking Xi's hand):
I am real. I am real.

XI:
I will judge that.
I have the upper hand here. I hold your debt.
Putin is not here to hold your hand.
Watch your step or North Korea will get you.

TRUMP:
Wasn't that the place on MASH?
I loved that show.

XI (turning to an aide):
This guy is a joke.

TRUMP:
Let's eat.

ACT TWO
The dining room of Mar-a-lago Country Club. All the parties are seated at tables eating dessert.

TRUMP (sings):
What a lovely chocolate cake.
This is the best chocolate cake ever.
In the history of cakes this is the greatest.

XI:
I've had better.

IVANKA TRUMP (runs in crying, singing and screaming like Electra in Idomeneo):
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!

TRUMP:
What is it, princess?

IVANKA:
Daddy. I just saw pictures of Syria.
Babies are being killed.
People are being gassed.
You have to stop it.
You must bomb Assad!

TRUMP:
But I said we shouldn't be involved in Syria
During the campaign.
Besides those people are all terrorists.

IVANKA:
What difference does that make?
You have to do what's right.

STEVE BANNON (Staggers to his feet and sings after downing a shot of vodka):
Don't listen to her.
You made a promise
Not to drag us into a foreign war.
America First!
America First!
(he takes off his shoe and pounds it on his table)

XI:
This is better than Trump's reality shows.

IVANKA and BANNON sing in counterpoint:
Daddy!      America First!
Daddy!     America First!

TRUMP:
Enough! (picks up a phone) Bomb Syria. (puts down phone)
And now my beautiful granddaughter
Will sing for us.

GRANDDAUGHTER (comes forward and sings):
It is the right of every American child
To go to school...
If they are rich.

It is the right of every American child
to be healthy and see a doctor...
If they are rich

Like my mommy and daddy.
Like my mommy and daddy.

If you are poor
Well, that's too bad.

TRUMP:
Beautiful. Kids and cake.

MELANIA (Suddenly stands up and holds up a copy of Vogue magazine):
I am the wife of Donald Trump
I am the wife of Donald Trump
And I speak according to the book
I speak according to the book
The book! The book!

When did the American people
Lose their admiration for money?
I am here for money and beauty.
Not diplomacy. Not love.
Money and beauty.

(She dances on the tables.)
Money and beauty!
Money and beauty!
Why do you think I won't live in the White House?
(Points to Trump)
I gave him another son.
What more can he expect?
We had an agreement.
He said, Give me a son and you can sleep alone.
The First Lady shit wasn't a part of it.

(As Melania continues her dance like Salome, Steve Bannon and Ivanka fight. Jared Kushner tries to pulls his wife away. Trump laughs.)

XI (leans over to Trump):
Make the dollar weaker.
Make the dollar weaker,
Those are your instructions.
Syria doesn't matter,
Nothing matters
Just make the dollar weaker
Or your brand will suffer.
Your beautiful children will not be as rich
As they are now.

(Trump nods as his wife continues to dance like an insane woman. Bannon, Ivanka and Kushner fight. The curtain falls.)