The Amazing Race Season 22 Episodes 2 and 3

Over dinner at Dojo's, my friend Diane suggested the casting for the fall Amazing Race is usually more interesting than for the spring. This salient observation was prompted when she asked if the teams were as vital and fascinating as Season 21? I had to admit so far no one of the current crop has approached the Beekman Boys, the Screaming Sri Lankans, the super-hot Jaymes and James, or Team World Domination in terms of watchability. I will have to make a study of comparing spring and fall teams and apply for a government grant before sequestration kicks in. Joey and Megan, the YouTube hosts, or as I like to call them, the Sugar Rush Twins, are kinda fun to view as they bubble and fizz like a pair of shaken-up soft drinks. John and Jessica are just plain devious. The Wal-Mart taxidermist is actually sorta hot and his wife is sassy. But the sound editor needs to stop playing that banjo music every time they open their mouths. And the father and son need to stop bursting into tears at the top of each episode.


The past two legs have not been particularly exciting. In Episode 2, everyone was still in Bora Bora which shows the series is on a tight budget. The only real drama was the possibility that sneaky John and Jessica might not give the Express Pass to the father and son like they promised. The first task was a choice between diving for pearls or setting a full table underwater. The twin gynecologists floundered because they can't freakin' swim. Rule number one on the Amazing Race: learn how to swim, drive a shift, and get over your fear of heights. Teams then had to jump on wave-runners and race to a nearby island where one member had to push a coconut a couple of feet while walking on stilts. The hockey players came in first, but the father ruptured a leg muscle just before hitting the mat. That would solve J and J's dilemma since giving the dad-and-son cancer survivor team the Pass will not cost them anything if the dad has to proceed on crutches because he's no threat. The gynos finally conquered their fear of the wet stuff, but came in last.

Almost the entire first 15-minute segment of Episode 3 was spent at the doctors or in the airport. Not only is that boring, but it foreshadowed that this would be a two-parter. Dad gets the bad news his leg muscle is torn and he will be risking his health if they continue, meanwhile J and J slip them the express pass and everyone heads for Phil's hometown in New Zealand. It looks like Mr. and Mrs. WalMart are out of it since they are on the last flight, but we get another equalizer when it turns out the next Detour location doesn't open up until the next morning. (So this is almost a three-day leg.) The choice now is between beating a time limit on a mud track or catching a fish and giving it to a guy who looks like Prince Charles. Dad and Son and the Walmarts are the only ones to fish. The former wisely decides to use their Express Pass and move on, thinking they can't go much further on Dad's bum leg and they may as well go out in a blaze of glory.

This brings up an issue which has confused me. I thought the Express Pass entitled you to bypass ALL tasks and head straight for the finish line. But evidently not, as seen last season with the Sri Lankans and now with the cancer survivors, it only allows you to skip one task. They still had to do the Road Block which involves getting covered with molasses and feathers and mud while carrying a bunch of eggs with a dog following you. It's got something to do with shepherds. They get up to crazy shit in New Zealand.

The father and son finish the bat-shit crazy egg race, get to what they think is the finish line and Phil informs them they're still racing. Cliffhanger just like Eileen on Smash deciding which version of Bombshell to do: will the father and son keep going or give up to let Dad's leg heal? Meanwhile everybody back at the dog track is getting covered in molasses and feathers and excrement.