Reconstructing the Carol Burnett Show, Part 30: Still More Broadcast Masters

Here are more broadcast masters of episodes that were unavailable on DVD or in the syndicated Carol Burnett and Friends hatchet jobs. Now you can find them on Amazon and the FreeVee service (formerly imdb's streaming platform)

Season Five:
Oct. 20, 1971: Dom DeLuise, Peggy Lee
(Previously seen on MeTV/Amazon/ShoutFactory and Reviewed in Reconstructing the Carol Burnett Show, Part Two: Carol and Dom in Antique Store; Murder Mystery with Alice Portnoy.)

The highlight of this complete episode is a game show spoof called Do or Die. Contestants can win

Vicki, Carol and Dom DeLuise
in the Do or Die Game Show sketch

ridiculously lavish prizes like a key to Fort Knox or the gross national product of a European country, but the penalties for wrong answers are equally extravagant: getting shot in the leg or beheaded. Dom is the overly enthusiastic and sadistic host while Harvey as George is the contestant and Vicki is the dumb but curvaceous model. Naturally, George's wife from hell Zelda (Carol) is hauled out to help her hubby. Today, this sketch would probably be censored for its stereotyping of women as either stupid and sexy or plain and shrewish. But the extremes are pretty funny with George putting his head in a guillotine and Zelda having to shoot out a candle before the flame burns the rope holding the blade. 

In the next scene, Zelda interrupts Peggy Lee's solo number and pleads with her to sing her signature hit "Is That All There Is?" When Zelda loudly munches an apple and then calls Peggy overrated, the singer gives her a karate chop. Earlier, Lee gave her smooth silky style while being shot in soft focus to Carol King's "I Feel the Earth Move" and Michel Legrand's "Watch What Happens."

Carol acts all passive-aggressive with Roger in the Carol and Sis sketch, nagging him to chose which of her friends is the prettiest and then weeping because he's interested in other women. This is probably one of the most sexist scenes of the series, depicting women as flighty, emotional, illogical and manipulative.

An unexpected surprise is a "live" commercial filmed on the set with Angie Dickinson extolling the virtues of the new Kodak camera by snapping Lyle's photo. He's still in his chauffeur's uniform right after they finished the Alice Portnoy murder mystery sketch. The finale consists of Carol and Peggy got up like Mae West in a "bad girls" medley.

Dec. 15, 1971: Ken Berry, Dionne Warwick, Jackie Joseph, Dick Cavett (cameo during Q&A)

(Previously seen on MeTV/Amazon/ShoutFactory and Reviewed in Reconstructing the Carol Burnett Show, Part 13: The Saga of Lilly and Billy)

This segment features a rare extended movie parody, the Saga of Lilly and Billy, excerpted in its entirety in the MeTV episode. Frequent guest Ken Berry and Carol are Roy Rogers and Dale Evans wannabes. The running gag is Ken is more enamored of their horse Dynamite than of Carol. 

Lauren Bacall, Dick Cavett, Carol Burnett
and Glenda Jackson in 
Robert Altman's HEALTH.

The episode opens with Dick Cavett crashing Carol's Q&A. Cavett was then the host of a popular ABC talk show and seen as the intellectual alternative to Johnny Carson on NBC. Cavett and Carol later worked together on Robert Altman's HEALTH, a strange disjointed comedy/political allegory about a health-food convention which disappeared from screens as soon as it opened and moved into semi-cult status. (I might do a blog on this weird film sometime.) It effectively wrecked Altman's Hollywood career and he moved his production company to Paris. Carol also appeared in Altman's A Wedding and The Laundromat.

The Carol and Sis sketch is a repeat of one from the first-season episode with Eddie Albert and Jonathan Winters. Roger and Carol are in a socially awkward position as they entertain old neighbors but can't remember their names. (Ironic because the writers and producers were banking on viewers not remembering this sketch from four years ago.) In the season one version of exactly the same sketch, the mystery couple were played by Dave Ketchum and Jackie Joseph. In this season five edition, Joseph returns in the same role and her husband is played by her real-life spouse Berry. The scene still comes across as a time-filler.

Berry's musical number is an elaborate mini-musical with a ballet sequence inspired by The Rainmaker. Ken plays the charismatic con man who takes the glasses off the dowdy spinster (one of the regular chorus kids) and she magically transforms into a gorgeous dancer who can do arabesques. Ken's dance partner joins the guest stars in the good nights and signs Carol's autograph book. Quite often Don Creighton would be prominently featured with female guest stars, but rarely did one of the women dancers get to shine like this.

Dionne Warwick soulfully sings "One Less Bell to Answer" (which was a huge hit at the time, I remember hearing the Fifth Dimension's version on the radio). It's a riveting performance. She joins Carol in the finale, a musical version of the Declaration of Independence with the chorus dressed like the road company of Up with People.

Carol also has a wonderful solo comedy number as a little girl writing a letter to Santa requesting a versatile doll who can walk, talk, sweat and pee herself. 

Jan. 5, 1972: Paul Lynde, Peggy Lee, William Christopher

(Previously seen on MeTV/Amazon/ShoutFactory and Reviewed in Reconstructing the Carol Burnett Show, Part 12: Improv scene with William Christopher, The Seventh Wail movie parody, Be a Clown finale)

Peggy Lee returns.

Carol and Paul Lynde after destroying
their exquisitely furnished
apartment in a sketch Carol previously did 
on the Garry Moore Show.

In yet another repeat sketch, Carol and Paul Lynde star in a scene which Carol and Durward Kirby originated on The Garry Moore Show (available as a bonus feature on the Lost Episodes DVD collection) and which Harvey and Carol would do on a Family Show episode. Paul and Carol play a wealthy couple with impeccable taste having their magnificent apartment photographed for a high-toned magazine. But a petty squabble over an ashtray leads them to smash all their precious antiques. 

Peggy Lee duets with Carol in celebration of the new year 1972 (hard to believe this was 50 years ago) and recreates her Oscar-nominated performance from Pete Kelly's Blues as a mental patient. Harvey supplies the voice of the psychiatrist. It's weird to see this ultra-dramatic scene in the middle of a variety series. Also weird is the song Peggy sings "I Can Sing a Rainbow" because that was the theme song of Capt. Noah's cartoon show, a local Philadelphia cartoon kiddie TV show hosted by this guy in naval outfit and his wife Mrs. Noah. In Carol and Sis, Carol is jealous of Roger. How novel!

March 8, 1972: Jack Klugman, Tony Randall

Klugman and Randall were starring on the TV sitcom version of Neil Simon's hit play and movie The Odd Couple. The bulk of this episode is taken up with a tribute to the legitimate stage. Carol brilliantly

Carol and Jack Klugman
in the combination
Lady in the Dark and 
Mildred Fierce sketch

performs Adelaide's Lament from Guys and Dolls. Tony and Carol do a sketch on backstage superstitions. Jack, Tony and Harvey sing Cole Porter's "Brush Up Your Shakespeare" from Kiss Me, Kate. 

Then there's a weird extended sketch which is a combination of Lady in the Dark, Now Voyager and Mildred Pierce. Lyle introduces the sequence: "In 1941, Broadway was dazzled by a play that was a forerunner of the current Women's Lib Movement. It was the story of a young woman who through psychoanlaysis changed the course of her life." Lady in the Dark did open in 1941, but it was a musical rather than a play. The heroine Liza Elliott (played by Gertrude Lawrence on stage and Ginger Rogers in the movie) does go to a psychiatrist and changes her life, but in the stage musical, she relinquishes power as the editor of a fashion magazine to gain love. In the sketch, Carol as Lisa Elton asserts herself after advise from her Viennese shrink (Harvey) and rises to the top of a business empire, toppling incompetent playboy Tony (who jumps out of a 40-story window when he loses his position as President of the Entire Company).

In an echo of the Mildred Fierce sketch with Soupy Sales, Lisa becomes a ruthless mogul, gobbling up companies like candy (headlines read, "Lisa Acquires General Motors, AT&T and Maury's Delicatessen") and treating men like dirt. To demonstrate her cold-bloodness, she screams at a subordinate, "You know I never have my coffee without my Danish." She calls for her Danish and Lyle enters speaking in a Danish accent. She kisses him and then tells him to get out. "Female chauvinist pig," Lyle complains as he exits after Lisa says he's nothing but a love object. "Remind me to have French pastry instead of Danish in the future," Lisa quips.

Jack enters the office as Hugh Howards, a parody of Howard Hughes, the reclusive billionaire, with a bag over his head. As they negotiate for the entire world (each owns half), Hugh realizes Lisa is the woman of his dreams and proposes. Suddenly, Tony returns from the dead and declares his love for Lisa. He survived the fall and became a missionary. "As I was falling I had a lot of time to think," Tony says, "and then it hit me." "What?" "The pavement." He realizes helping humanity is more important than riches and begs Lisa to marry him and join his mission. After a kissing contest with the two men, Lisa chooses ultra-rich Hugh and Tony jumps out of the window again. The sketch ends with Lisa declaring herself a real woman ready to cook and clean and sew, yet beating Hugh at arm-wrestling.

The finale has the entire cast in a number about taking a bow even when you are stealing credit. The show also includes Jack and Carol recreating "You'll Never Get Away from Me," Jack's number with Ethel Merman from Gypsy and a sketch with Carol as ancient acting teacher Stella Toddler on a parody of This Is Your Life. I only recently (this afternoon) figured out that the name Stella Toddler is a satire of Stella Adler, the famous acting coach. Stella who can barely walk or put a sentence together, is physically assailed by former students including Vicki as a Zsa Zsa Gabor type called Gaga (before there was a Lady Gaga), Lyle as Buster Crabwise swinging in on rope in full Tarzan mold, and Tony as Cedric Chatsworth, a snooty famous Broadway director. All hug Stella until her bones break or hit her with a riding crop to make a point. In another segment, the chorus performs something called the Un-Cola Dance because the drink is 7-Up and they are dancing on a 3 and a 4 count.