'Thanks to Amy': The Next Surefire B'way Hit

Amy Coney Barrett with her husband and
seven children before her evil master 
and his devil bride.

During the confirmation hearing for Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett, I had a flash of inspiration for the next sure-fire, Tony and Pulitzer-winning, non-musical hit. It contains all the elements of a snob Broadway drama, usually presented by Lincoln Center, first at the Off-Broadway Mitzi Newhouse and then transferred to the larger Vivian Beaumont after rapturous reviews. This play will have it all: interracial casting, liberal viewpoint, a single set depicting a tastefully designed living room interior of an upper-class American home, and an explosive ending. Of course, the play cannot open until the corona virus pandemic is over, but by then, the issues raised will still be relevant or even more so if Barrett is confirmed. Here's the synopsis:

Thanks to Amy, a new American play

The time is Thanksgiving, 2040.

The setting is the well-appointed living room of Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett. (NOTE This is all fictional and satirical, hon!)

At rise: Two African-American servants are watching the television news about the latest health report of 94-year-old President for Life Donald J. Trump who is on a ventilator but insisting on yet another rally to boost his ego. Back in 2020, newly-appointed Justice Barrett voted with the conservative majority to side with Trump's lawsuit to disallow all mail-in ballots because of suspected, but unproven fraud. Barrett wrote the majority opinion, establishing the precedent that the President is always right and cannot be indicted or tried for any crimes, past, present or future. 

In 2024, Trump brought another suit for a third term due to interference with his first term from nefarious Democrats and enemies of the State Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Joseph Biden, and Nancy Pelosi. (All named in the suit have fled to Canada.) Again, the Supreme Court sided with Trump. In 2030, Trump brought another suit demanding to be named President for Life just like his pals Putin, Xi, Kim Jung Un, Duarte, etc. Again, Barrett sided with the majority.

As the servants bemoan the fate of their beleaguered country, Justice Barrett (played by Laura Linney) enters to great applause. She sweetly but firmly supervises her employees about the preparations for a traditional holiday dinner. All seven of her now grown children are expected from across the country.

Each of her children arrive and complain to their mom that her Supreme Court decisions have ruined their lives. Her two adopted black kids, originally from Haiti, have been arrested numerous times for driving while black, now a federal crime because there is nothing about driving in the Constitution. They have applied to several Ivy League colleges but with no affirmative action programs in place, they have been rejected in spite of their high-placed connections. When they state this, mom shrugs her shoulders and says "I can't comment on a previous case. I have no opinion." In addition, they are now officially immigrants and must live in sub-standard housing.

Laura Linney would be ideal to
play Amy Coney Barrett in
Thanks to Amy

Another daughter enters in a wheelchair. She contracted COVID at the Rose Garden Super-spreader event where Mommy was presented to the GOP elite. (Again, this is fictional) This Barrett offspring now has a pre-existing condition. With the elimination of Obamacare right after the 2020 election, she could not get insurance. COVID left her with an infection and paralyzed her.

A Barrett son enters singing show tunes. He would have been accompanied by his husband, but Washington DC and many states below the Mason-Dixon Line no longer recognize gay marriage and have criminalized marriage between members of the same sex, so the couple cannot travel together or they could be arrested. Again, Amy wrote the opinion in favor of this new law because there's nothing in the Constitution about gays or sexual preference, as she puts it.

The remaining daughters and their 20 children crowd in. Abortions are now illegal except in New York and California. Contraception is OK, but the wife's husband must sign off on it. 

The entire family crowds around the sumptuous Thanksgiving meal. Amy bows her head in prayer and thanks God for making her his instrument to perfect this wicked world and for sending President for Life Trump to save them all. Just as Amy's bland, faceless husband is about to carve up an enormous turkey, all the adult children weep and start throwing food at their mother. The curtain falls amid the mayhem, symbolic of the chaos reigning in America. The cast takes bows, covered with cranberries and stuffing. Reviews are rapturous, Tonys are collected. Of course, this is once there is a vaccine and we can return to the theater.