MacTrump A Shakespearean Farce Act III

Keeley Hawes, Judi Dench, and Phoebe Fox
in BBC's TV version of Richard III

The MacTrump saga continues. For a switch, this scene focuses on the women in Trumpy's life, much like the one in Richard III where his mother, wife, the deposed Queen Elizabeth (his sister-in-law), and mad Queen Margaret join together to curse the "bunch-backed toad."

Act III, Scene One

Scene: The entry hall of the G7 Summit Meeting, several months after Act II. Theresa May and Angela Merkel stand center stage.

Merkel: How canst thou treat this ill-mannered swine as a seasoned statesman?
Know you not his boorish behavior where women are concerned?

May: Chide me not, lady. My counsels differ from thine.
Thou are not head of a conservative party leading a divided land.
Art not dealing with withdrawal from the Common Market.
McTrump is the key to mine triumph and must be coaxed and flattered.


Merkel: Aye, but at what price your success if you pay with your dignity.
You seem like a fawning harlot rather than a great leader
Offering slathering sycophancy, state visits and tea with thy Queen
In exchange for words of praise which the liar will withdraw with the new moon.
Inconstant and untrue is his nature.
His true allegiance lies with our hated enemy
The scourge of the west
The vile shirtless thug of Muscovy
A villain most foul, more wretched even than the slimy toad who wears the American crown.
Killer of journalists, poisoner 'pon thine own soil, invader of sovereign countries, and eater of garlic.

May: All thou sayest may be true
Yet deal with the Orange slag must we
But soft, here comes his unhappy third bride.
Let's chat with the plastic Slovenian, feign womanly concern
All the better to view into their disharmonious union
To spy some vantage.

(Enter Queen Melania wearing a trench coat with the words "I DON'T REALLY CARE, DO U?")

Merkel: Hail, great queen. How goest it with thee?

Queen Melania: Quite well, ladies. But I must not tarry with thee.

May: Why rush off? What draws thee from female companionship?
Thou must be lonely, ever pressed with state business and planning Christmas decorations.

Queen Melania: Nay, good ladies, seek not to comfort my lowly state.
Though I be queen of this land
There be no comfort in my bedchamber nor dressing closet.
My only joy is trolling my benighted husband with not-so-subtle messages (She models the jacket).
My waking hours are fretful, desperate and wild.

(Enter Omerosa)

Queen Melania (continued): But stop, yonder approacheth the mad Omerosa
Once a great confident in my spouse's palace
Now cast down and uttering vile truths--I mean lies--to any 'twill listen.
But what is she doing here in Europe?

(Omerosa approaches the women)

Omerosa: Hail the beauteous queen of America, hail leaders of Britain and Germany.
You foreign dames need not fear my wrath.
But this painted artifact of immigration policies receives the full blow of my venom.

Queen Melania: Why, Omerosa, what have I e'er done to thee?

Omerosa: Consorted with the monster that holds thee in thrall.
I was his staunchest defender in my community
And what thanks did I receive?
Spurn and derision. The boot. Exile to further reality TV shows. My deepest curse on thee.
Never a night's sleep will you spend in his bed--

Queen Melania: Thank God.

Omerosa: Or out of it.

Queen Melania: Drat!

Omerosa (holding up her book Unhinged): A spell from this tome do I call
Tapes of the n-word shall enthrall
The media, voters large and small
A great, bloated king shall fall.
(bows) A good night, ladies, I bid you all. (She cackles wildly, thunder roars, and starts to run out).

Queen Melania: Stay, prophesying enchantress. (Omerosa stops).
Teach me to curse and relieve my wounds.
Thou are skilled in manipulation, shifting ground, and laying blame away from thine own self.
How shall I unburden my heavy, heavy soul?

Omerosa (returning): Know no truth but what serves thee
Seek not friends but temporary allies
Shift and conceal thy true heart
Cast doubt on those with honest mettle.
(Takes Melania's hand) Let not men determine thy fate
Do not yield up thy wifely treasure save for tokens in return
and pledges in writing.
Poor lady, thou are the most miserable of us all.

May: Yeah, our spouses are not wedded to our state
and we have homes free of care and Tweets.

Merkel: Good thoughts tend thee, queen
For while thy husband on the American throne remains
Confusion, ego, brutality and madness reigns.

(The four women briefly join hands and go through separate ways.)