Wednesday, June 14, 2017
MacTrump, A Shakespearean Farce, Act One
Scene One: a wood somewhere in America. Enter Three Witches
1st Witch: When shall be the next meeting of we three?
On blogs, airwaves or on TV?
2nd Witch: When the hurlyburly's done
When the ratings are lost and won.
3rd Witch: There to meet upon the hump
And greet the coming of MacTrump.
All Three: True is false and false is true
Stir the lies in the witches' brew
Innuendo, half-truth, shrug
Ear of Roy Cohn, Watergate bug
Liver of Bannon, Commie blacklist
Pour into the pot with a rightward twist
True is false and false is true
Down with the Republic, it's had its due.
(Witches change costumes into Reporters and re-appear in the next scene)
Scene Two: The White House, Cabinet Meeting
1st Reporter: They say the king is mad. Hast been in office for less than a year
And already his fortunes and estate are dark and drear.
He wants to build a wall we cannot afford
And hath withdrawn from the Paris Accord.
2nd Reporter: His mind wanders and his belly expands
He is hated at home and in foreign lands.
3rd Reporter: He calls us now to witness his counsels.
1st Reporter: But soft, the king and counsels approach.
(Trump and Cabinet enter)
King MacTrump: Now we proclaim an era of great activity, a whirlwind force hath swept aside
The old stale straw men and women. Those that did aught but little and said much,
I am that gale that blows fresh and sweet air on this swamp of corruption and slime.
I am he who alone can save this noble, dear land, once the envy of the world
Now its jest and toy. I am the savior these poor, dumb---I mean dear people have longed for.
Know you this, swine of the press and dogs of the media,
I have done more than any of my predecessors, yea, e'en noble Reagan and Bush father and son
Pale beside my prodigious undertakings and accomplishments
With this very hand, so large and not small at all, I have signed and signed and signed.
Now whilst the cameras whirl, we call on our various ministers
to back up my grandiose claim
and with true voice praise MacTrump's name.
(Turns to cabinet)
Whom shall we say doth love us most?
Reince of Priebus, you start the boast.
Duke of Priebus: Majesty, I love thee more than words can express
The depth of my toadying ardor is deep within my breast.
Whether on land, in the air or 'pon the sea
I know my future is dependent on thee.
King MacTrump: A shade too obsequious that. The bit about your future included an unwelcome reference to thy less-than-noble self, eating into my time.
What say you, our chief spokesman Spicer?
Spicer: Oh, my lord, you couldn't be nicer. (Loooong pause)
King MacTrump: That's it? That's all ya got?
Cut his head off and let it rot (Secret police drag off Spicer)
But I weary of this ass-kissing. All leave me apart
except Comey. (aside) Now to practice my subtle art
(Courtiers and Press exit, Sir James Comey, Earl of FBI, attempts to stop Sir Jeff Sessions, Attorney General who shrugs. Comey remains behind. The 3 Witches/Reporters turn themselves invisible and hang around.)
King MacTrump: Sir James, art thou a loyal man?
Comey: What means your grace?
King MacTrump: Tis a simple question, man. I speak not this Washington doubletalk.
I am a plain, honest person, fair in my dealings and always true to my bond--
Except if a vendor's workmanship be shoddy, then I don't pay the agreed price
But that's another story.
Art thou loyal? I kept thee in thy place when I did win this crown--
By a huuuge margin, by the way, the crowd at the inaugural was fantastic--
And could have swept thee aside like the other trash left by my predecessor
Who was not even born in this land.
But no, thou art still commander of thy realm
So I ask again, art thou loyal?
Comey: I hope I am honest, majesty.
King MacTrump: That's all I ask for, honest loyalty.
Now to the matter of my man Flynn. Let slip this unnecessary snooping into his life.
What hap if he met with a Russian or two, he's a good guy.
Comey: My lord--
King MacTrump: And thou can assurest me, I am not in thy crosshairs.
King MacTrump: Well is a good answer.
I shall take that as a Yes, and now I leave thee. (Exits)
Comey: This improper encounter bodes not well for me
For the king to consort privately with an official such as I
During an investigation of one of his underlings
Smacks of the direst corruption.
Can the new monarch unschooled in the ways of protocol
Be that naive?
He means me no good if I prove disloyal to him, yet true to the state.
(Takes out his notebook and begins writing)
List, list, o list
That one may smile, and smile, and still be a villain.
I shall scribble all that the king speaks
And to protect myself later turn these notes into leaks.
(Comey quickly exits and the three witches/reporters gather together and laugh.)
END ACT ONE