Aunt Harriet's Lament

Madge Blake as Aunt Harriet

Not long after I first set foot in Stately Wayne Manor, I knew Bruce Wayne, the guardian of my orphaned nephew Dick Grayson, was in reality Batman, the scourge of crime and Dick was indeed his youthful  associate Robin the Boy Wonder. Did they think I was stupid or something? At least once a week, Alfred the butler would pull Bruce aside, often in my presence, and inform him in a stage whisper, "It's the Bat-phone, sir." Did they think I was deaf as well as blind? Then he and Dick would offer some lame excuse about fishing or bird watching and charge off into the study and disappear for days on end. Did they think I wouldn't notice they never took a car on their expeditions? The few times I encountered Batman, I recognized Bruce's voice and his distinctive chin through the cowl.

Of course, I never let on that I knew. It would endanger me and spoil the boys' fun as well as jeopardize the safety of Gotham City and indeed the world. On many occasions, the Caped Crusaders prevented global catastrophe. So I just played along, acting the dithering clueless aunt. 

I entered Bruce and Dick's lives when my niece and her no-good acrobat husband died in a circus accident. Dick is actually my great-nephew. His mother was shunned from the family when she joined the disgusting profession of trapeze artistry. No one in our family has ever been associated with the degrading profession of show biz, let alone the even lower realm of the circus. But Dick is my only living relative and I cared deeply for him. When I heard that Dick had been adopted by millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne I hot footed it over to Wayne Manor to provide a maternal influence and some homecooked meals for the poor dear. (Actually, it was after Alfred had mysteriously died, but he later came back to life and insisted I stay.) Besides, there was something unsavory about a bachelor raising a young boy by himself if you know what I mean. 

Anne Baxter as Zelda the Great. I think that's a
stunt person, not Madge Blake suspended
over the tank of boiling oil.

Living with Batman was dangerous and I did face my share of trouble. There was the time I was kidnapped by this awful magician woman and she suspended me over a tank of boiling oil. Bruce paid the ransom and I was released unharmed but my shoulders were sore for a week. Then Alfred enlisted me in pretending I was Mrs. Batman so the Masked Manhunter could avoid a forced marriage to another conniving female, Marsha Queen of Diamonds. I think the young folks would have called me a beard. I nearly fell for the famous pianist Chandel, but he turned out to be a con man. It was lovely drinking root beer with the dear man, but I sensed there was something not quite right about the set-up, and I'm not just talking about his designs on the Wayne fortune, if you catch my drift.

Everything changed when Dick got his driver's license and Barbara Gordon and Batgirl suddenly showed up at the same time. I think there's a connection there. Dick didn't seem to need me as much. So I went traveling, even visiting Londinium. Eventually Dick went to college and I felt like a useless appendage around Wayne Manor. Batman moved his headquarters into Gotham City and as a result Bruce was at the Manor less and less. I missed the excitement of costumed crooks breaking into the house now and then. The Bookworm gassing me, Clock King threatening to kidnap me, being mistaken for the Black Widow. After a while, Bruce had me placed in the Gotham City Home for Old Ladies. Bruce and Dick would visit me occasionally. I read about the original Robin becoming Nightwing and several new Robins replacing him. I like to think by keeping my mouth shut, I was aiding in Batman's crusade against crime.