|The hockey brothers complete the fast forward|
We're in Botswana, and we're staying there so the producers can save some money. The first 15 minutes is wasted on asking directions, driving, and bickering. Last season they learned their lesson and cut all that airport and travel time out. It's boring. But this season, the teams are so sneaky and conniving, we have to eavesdrop on all their Survivor-type plotting shit.
Of course, the hockey players grab the fast forward which is ridiculously easy: water ski for a mile where some crocodiles might bite you. (Remember when there was a fast forward every week and they were all difficult?) The crocs are all on the shore not interested in biting these ugly white boys. One shows off his pecs, they win first place and a couple thousand dollars each. I hate when the straight, athletic, all-male teams dominate. It's so much more fun when they're ripped and stupid.
The country singers and big-brained Max and Katie get speeding tickets and have to waste even more time at the police station paying the fines. The only time this type of situation was worth watching was a couple of seasons ago when Colin went apeshit and refused to pay a cab driver the full fare because the guy got a flat tire and delayed them. The cab driver had to call the police and everything. It was almost an international incident. That was dramatic. To quote that scene in American Graffiti, "Speeding tickets are chickenshit."
Once they finally get to the roadblock, everyone has to paddle a canoe and deliver two goats. Yawn! Everyone has trouble figuring out how to steer with a pole and complains about it. Max and Katie have a speed bump for coming in last in the previous leg. They must put on grass skirts and shake their asses a little. Max actually has some moves. These speed bumps are even more easy than the fast forwards these days. Having completed this onerous task, they bitch about being neck and neck with Joey and Meghan who got lost on the way. Evidently, the YouTubers are good at building things (so they said last week), but not at navigation. "If Meghan and Joey beat us, we deserve to lose," Max whines. What is their problem? Meghan and Joey have done very well, finishing consistently higher than the Big-Brained Newlyweds. But Joey does need to stop doing high-pitched voices every time they encounter an animal.
Pam and Winnie get some karmic payback as they lose their lead on the detour. The choice is hauling firewood with donkeys or memorizing ten animal cut-outs while on horseback. Having unnecessarily U-turned Meghan and Joey, Pam and Winnie are cursed by the detour gods. First they give up right away trying to haul the wood, then they miss one of the animal cut-outs--twice--and have to repeat everything. This costs them the race and they come in last. I'm hoping Meghan and Joey will get it together, but Chuck and Wynona have been exceeding expectations. Right now it looks like the hockey players will be in the final three and they'll do anything in their power to keep the country singers in it. Another U-turn is coming up soon and in two weeks, we'll be in Europe. There, I have met my responsibility.