Third Place Is Really First in Iowa

My first executive order: Chastity belts for all women and gays.

Now it's Rick Santorum's turn in the spotlight and he's not even first in the Iowa polls. He's freaking third, but the news media has exhuasted its Ron Paul newsletter stuff, so they need a new story. It's really funny. Just a few weeks ago the big news was Gingrich emerging on top, then these Iowa Republican jerks starting remembering--"Oh yeah, didn't he get kicked out of the speakership and fined something like $300K for ethics violations? Oh, yeah, he's kinda crazy, isn't he? He believes in electromagnetism and arresting judges? What, he's not even on the ballot in Virginia? Can this goofball really be President? Sure he'll give Obama hell in a debate, but most moderate people will run screaming from him. OOOPS, guess I'll switch to somebody I have't even looked at yet."

At which point they took a gander at Ron Paul. Here's a nice grandfatherly type, they must have thought to themselves after shucking some corn, he wants less government and no foriegn wars, that's fine by me. What they don't realize is he wants to do away with Social Security and Medicare as well as half the federal government. Real Ayn Rand stuff. Then the newsletters with the bigoted vitriol resurfaced and he walked away from CNN's Gloria Borger. Now I don't see him running on a third ticket, but you never know.

Those that withdrew from Gingrich probably went to Rick "Man-on-Dog Sex" Santorum. He's now giving the interviews to the Today Show and Morning Joe as if he were a serious candidate. On Chris Matthews' Hard Ball, a reporter indicated he's not really serious about wanting to be President, he just wants to move whoever gets the nomination to the right--and he's partially succeeded. In order to get evangelicals off their asses, every Repub candidate has basically said no woman should ever have an abortion under any circumstances. They're all pretty gung-ho against gay marriage, too. But that has produced some interesting confrontations with gay Iowans challenging these homophobes. A guy even dressed up as a gay robot to crash a Michele Bachmann event and a lesbian's little boy rendered her speechless when he told her his mom didn't need to be fixed.

What's especially interesting is that all these crazies had had their turn as the front runner--even whack job Herman Cain--except Huntsman who is the one sane professional in the bunch. With less than a week to go before the Iowa Caucases, it doesn't look like he'll ever get in double digits. Mittens will probably win, but I hope Paul beats him. Santorum will be third and this will convince him to hang on for the next few states. Perry is pretty much finished even though he is suing to get on the Virginia ballot, having made the same dumb mistake Newt did. Perry still has lots of money to spend, but his poor performance in the debates destroyed his chances. Bachmann and Huntsman are toast, the Wicked Witch of Minnesota is too stubborn to quit yet, but Huntsman will probably drop out.